At age 82 I find myself going on dates–after not being in such a situation for five or more years. Sure, I have nonromantic friendships with several men and enjoy those friendships. I felt flattered when recently I was invited on what I could only call "dates" by two men I have met (or re-encountered) recently. I feel a bit embarrassed by the physical limitations I've acquired since my previous dating opportunities. It's difficult to know what my expectations realistically should be in these now-unfamiliar occasions. I enjoy the companionship but am not sure whether I'm interested in an intimate relationship if a friendship seems to be going in that direction. Should I insist on going "dutch" if my companion expects to pay?
Most of my male friends either are gay or are clearly uninterested in a romantic relationship–or at least not with me. I enjoy and value these friendships and feel very comfortable with them. One of my current "beaux" (what a quaint term!) is someone I have known casually over the years because of community activities, but at that time both of us were married. We encountered each other in a workshop a few months ago, renewed our acquaintance and have had a few casual dates since. We seem to share some common values and interests, but I suspect he may be at least ten years younger than I am--if that matters. He is the only person I have dated since my college years who was not interested in participating in a faith community.
The other man who has suddenly come into my life is a Unitarian Universalist. He and I share some interests and he has a nice sense of humor. He appears to be close in age to me. Our friendship is still very young. I don't know yet what kind of a driver he is. He drives a Prius, though, so I agree with his philosophy on energy while being aware that his income must be greater than mine. I'm looking forward to knowing him better.*
Who would have thunk that I'd be in this situation? What fun! I must keep my expectations and boundaries clear and frame my communications with care. 12/16/08
*12/17/08 addendum: I spent a very pleasant afternoon, beginning with lunch (which he paid for). with my Prius-driving friend. He's a good driver and a good conversationalist. I hope to get together with him again. Although I met him at a church social event, he is not formally affiliated with the church. He has attended UU fellowships elsewhere but appears to have stopped short of actual membership there, too. He finds Unitarian Universalists to be like minded and seems to follow UU principles. He does not feel a need for ritual, so is more likely to go to discussion groups than to a worship service. I also discovered that he is a longtime Mac user and had participated in user groups elsewhere, so that is another commonality. He is fairly recently widowed, whereas my other new dating friend is divorced, although I don't know how long ago and how well he has recovered from what appears to be a trauma. Stay tuned...
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